Catching up on first 2 chemos. Yay! for wigs!

18-19 April
Not two of my better days. Felt crap and v moody and could feel my blood sugar was low all day 18th. Food didn’t seem to help.
Hubby had a right go at me for being grumpy. I hate it when he’s like that. Reminds me of last couple of years with Smelly Ex. Makes me feel I’m only loved if I’m being good.

Bizarrely, I started thinking about my dad in the night. I’m sure other people have loved me unconditionally in my life but am not convinced. I want my dad. He loved me unconditionally. Bit of a pisser then, that’s he’s been dead 12 years. (And, sorry dad, am not planning on popping up to heaven to see you any time soon.)

Also decided to get on with it and fix some of the stuff that has been bugging me so I have double glazing people booked to quote for new windows next week. Will look out painters’ numbers too. Can’t bear living in worst house in the street any longer. Hubby has loads in the bank and could pay if he wants to but am too proud to ask again. Will put it on mortgage.

Meant to be studying for exam on Monday. Ho hum.

Going back to junior daughter and hubby's car. Still sticking to her having to be good to get privileges. Feeling like I'm a better parent for actually taking a stand for once.

17 April.
My mum means well…she sent me an article out of the Mail, a diary of a lady with breast cancer. Took me 24 hours to force myself to read it as I’m not that interested in others’ experiences. They’re just nothing like mine and no-one who writes about this seems to think the same way as me. Finally read it…WTF planet was the woman from?! £1,700 for a wig???!!! Mental. I’d spend it on something nice. (Or maybe on getting the hall decorated.) Still, I guess it made me feel a bit better as I’m less of a wuss than that silly old bag.

9-16 April
Chemo 2 was on 9th. A third done now! Had nice chat with two other ladies. One was bald and proud but still showing off her fab nails. The other was really scared but we cheered her up a bit, especially when I said I was wearing a wig, as she liked it lots.

Mum visited 9-11.
Not the best plan as I was very intolerant. Sorry mum.

Pink wig off ebay arrived on Saturday. Lovely and soft and pretty and only £13. Can’t see out but wore it with the fringe clipped back. I feel like me.

Got my pink wig trimmed on 15th. It looks so cool and is much more ‘me’ than my sensible ‘don’t look at me’ blonde one! Chrissie loved the cut and we played a nice little trick on Janet, kidding her it was home grown. Excellent.

16th. Got into a long conversation with the girl on the till in Next about hair colour. Brazened it out and talked about it airily, like when people talk about my home grown pink hair.

8 April. My birthday.
Hair everywhere except where I want it and I just could not make it look nice. Cue sense of humour failure. I even went for my pre-chemo blood test in a hat.
Chrissie (superstar hairdresser) fitted me in, styled my wig (went from v.v.boring to quite nice actually) and shaved my head. What a relief!
I’d been so grumpy earlier I hadn’t wanted to go for birthday dinner but took the wig out and everything was fine.

Catchup – Chemo 1-birthday
How lazy, to leave the blog for so long.

Homeopath tried to get me to defer chemo on the grounds that it is spring solstice. Hmmm.

First chemo:
Superstar Lynn took me and sat with me all through. Not the nicest experience ever. The cold chemical seeping into my arm were bad enough and I was very glad I hadn’t elected to go for the ‘cold cap’ to try to preserve my hair. Soooo thirsty. A little woozy afterwards and sleepy so I went to bed.

Wig appointment: Very funny! Lynn came again – the woman in charge of the wig service is like some mad old hippy and she went on about her 2 hamsters the whole time. Most of the wigs were huge on me (turns out I have a little head and face, not a hoofing great man-mush like I thought) and had a sort of ‘American housewife’ look about them. Eventually settled on ‘Cassie’ from Hot Hair in a safe, boring please-don’t-look-at-me ‘butterscotch’ blonde.

28 March: Finally figured out that the sore arm that I’d put down to walking into a door handle is my vein complaining about the chemo. Went and saw nurse at MacMillan unit. She advised a hot pad as first aid – very soothing. Looks like I may well end up having to have a ‘central line’ put in. Noooooooo! Had a bit of a brat-fit and a cry.

29 March – 4 April: McTimoney Spring School.
I so did not want to go, as I was staying away from home – apart from Mon night. Whole thing very tiring and I sleepy 14 hours one night!

Tues morning was GP appointment and got a 6 month sick note. Big relief. No way could I deal with work as well as all this. Also picked up wig.

Hair hanging on in there, but a few strays falling out.

Worst bit of the week was finding that on Tues morning, jnr daughter had scratched hubby’s pride-and-joy car in several places as she dragged her bike out of the garage. Was rather cross, as bike does not live in garage. Plus daughter did not own up. Needed to get back to college so we pulled her out of morning break to speak to her. Not nice. Feeling very mean as I have taken away her TV and computer and she has to earn them back. Plus she has to pay for the repair.

Feeling a complete failure.